A Practical Guide for Working through Limiting Beliefs
Just because a lot of people believe something, that doesn’t make it true
Whether you are beginning a spiritual journey, trying to improve your mental health, or working on personal development to create a better life for yourself, likely you have come across the term Limiting Beliefs.
We all have limiting beliefs about ourselves, society, relationships, and what it takes to be successful. Many of these are handed down from our parents and families, instilled in us in childhood, and represent the dominant beliefs of our culture. Since these beliefs are taught to us as truth when we are young and impressionable, we usually don’t think to question them.
Unfortunately, a lot of what we learn about life comes to us from unhealed, unaware, unhappy people. It’s hard to learn to live your best, most abundant life from someone who isn’t doing that for themself. So, as we heal and grow, we need to form new beliefs to replace the lies we have been told all our lives.
What if it were agreed that “proper” meant wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it? ~ Alice in Wonderland
Creating change in our core beliefs is both difficult and scary. But if you want to have the life you’ve always dreamed of, the life you deserve, you’re going to have to let go of old ways of thinking.
What are limiting beliefs?
In general, a belief is something that we think is true. Our beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world. The basic assumptions we have about how life works, and our place in the cosmos.
When a belief limits you, it’s making you smaller than you need to be. It’s like if a bear believed it was a squirrel, it would go around fearing “predators” that were actually a fraction of its size.
According to Asana:
A limiting belief is a judgment about yourself that you think to be true that restricts you in some way.
Understanding your own limiting beliefs will help you form a more positive image of yourself, and to grow into your full potential.
Some commonly held limiting beliefs include:
I’m not good enough: “I’m not good enough to manage this project.”
I’m too old or too young: “I’m too young to be a manager.”
I don’t have enough time: “I don’t have enough time to invest in myself.”
I’m not smart enough: “I’m not smart enough to lead this meeting.”
I don’t have enough experience: “I don’t have enough experience for this big career move.”
I’ll never be successful: “I’ll never be successful in my industry.”
I don’t have enough money: “I don’t have enough money to enjoy my life.”
I’ll never be one of the best: “I’ll never be one of the best on the team.”
I’m not talented enough: “I’m not talented enough to get a promotion.”
I’ll never be a great leader: “I’ll never be a great leader with my lack of confidence.”
You may relate to some of these on the list, or you may uncover your own by becoming more aware of your self-talk throughout the day. Some of your limiting beliefs may be individual or unique to you, others have a foundation in commonly held misconceptions in society in general.
When beliefs are handed down for generations through society, culture, religion or family, oftentimes we don’t question whether they are true. But remember — for the longest time people thought the world was flat! So remember, it is OK, and even necessary for us to question popularly held social beliefs.
For example, many people believe that:
The human soul is inherently evil — people will hurt you if they can.
Only a few people can be successful.
Your worth is determined by your productivity.
Adults know better than children.
Buzzfeed did a survey and came up with these if you need more examples:
“Justifying bad behavior because someone did the same to you. Someone else acting poorly is not an excuse for you to act poorly.”
“That family has to tolerate each other no matter how reprehensible their behavior is. If someone is going to be a tumor in your life, you cut the tumor out. If they don’t like that, then they can start behaving.”
“That you can just will yourself out of depression and/or chronic medical conditions.”
“That hard work guarantees success.”
“The customer is always right.”
“That you should always be happy and thankful your situation isn’t worse. Your mom could die, and people will be like, ‘Smile because you had so many years with your mom while others die of cancer at eight.’ And it’s like, ‘Damn, Linda. I’m allowed to be sad sometimes.’ (My mom is alive and well; this was just an example.)”
“Women are ‘too emotional’ to do a ‘man’s job.’”
“‘We don’t owe anyone anything’ took a big hit to people being kind just to be kind. People want a reward for kindness now, or some kind of incentive to be a good person. There shouldn’t have to be an incentive to want to help others.”
“That other people gaining rights will somehow remove your own.”
“That as soon as you and your friend have your first argument, you’re no longer friends.”
“‘If they pick on you, it means that they have a crush on you.’ I absolutely LOATHE this comment because it justifies people’s asshole behavior to them liking you, and it implies that you have to just take it because their intentions aren’t really ‘bad.’ Plus, regardless if they bully you because they like you or not, it’s still really shitty behavior and completely unattractive.”
“Men shouldn’t show emotions (other than anger, which is apparently manly).”
“That introverts are lonely and need to be pushed to get out and do more. That there’s no way someone can enjoy being at home away from the crowd and be happy. That they must be antisocial and lame and boring. That introverts are shy and just need to ‘come out of their shell.’ And that you need to change them to be ‘better’ and ‘more fun’ just like you and save them from their sad selves.”
And finally, “‘You have to love yourself before you can love anybody else.’ Just because someone identifies as self-loathing does not mean that they are incapable of showing the same kind of compassion and self-sacrifice as emotionally healthier people can. You can hate yourself but still love others, and I think it’s a bit… rude for armchair psychologists to say such things and discount the love of another person just because they have some things they haven’t forgiven themselves for. Maybe they should find a better way to advise others towards healing because that shit gets repeated often, it stings, and it isn’t even true.”
You’ve probably heard a lot of these repeated before, and if someone says one of these things to you often enough, it can have a really damaging effect on your self-esteem.
Working through limiting beliefs
In order to begin working through your own limiting beliefs, you first have to become aware of them. A lot of times, your limiting beliefs are working in the background of your mind, on a subconscious level. Since much of our thinking is subconscious, learning to be more aware of your thoughts is a good starting place.
Start paying more attention to your thoughts, especially the things that you’re thinking when you start to feel triggered about something. Things that are said right at the beginning of an argument. Things people say to you that get you feeling defensive. Any of these can be places where you notice your limiting beliefs.
Once you start noticing these beliefs, write them down.
Journaling is a great way to be more aware of your thoughts, and to ask where each limiting belief came from. Do you hear a certain thought in someone’s voice? Was it repeated to you over and over again throughout your lifetime?
If you notice that there are specific people in your life that are repeatedly triggering the same limiting beliefs, you may also question whether that relationship is healthy to continue. You may also have more limiting beliefs about yourself if you have been raised by a narcissist.
Coping with Narcissistic Family
One of the things I have learned when it comes to mental health and limiting beliefs is that you can’t get well in the same environment where you got sick. When you’re raised in a toxic household by narcissists or otherwise emotionally abusive parents, it’s like your being taught that you have to drink poison in order to survive.
Whether they are a narcissist or not, anyone who consistently makes you feel like shit about yourself doesn’t deserve a starring role in your life.
Once you start to become aware of your limiting beliefs, you can use the following strategies to work through them:
Reality testing — look for evidence to the contrary. What were times that this belief wasn’t true in your life? List them all.
Saying affirmations — when a limiting belief comes up, write down an affirmation that is the opposite. Say the affirmation each time the limiting belief comes up.
Visualization — if you hear the limiting belief in someone else’s words, picture the negative words leaving your body. Hold them in your hands. Then, hand the belief back to the person who gave it to you.
Therapy & Coaching — you can work with a therapist or life coach to assist with limiting beliefs, especially if they are tied to trauma or another mental health disorder like anxiety or depression.
Listen to motivational audio’s — this is especially helpful right before you go to sleep, as your brain is more open on the subconscious level. There are many available guided meditations to help you release limiting beliefs.
Remember, working through your limiting beliefs isn’t a “one and done” process. It has taken your whole lifetime up until this point to learn them, so you aren’t going to unlearn them in a day or even a couple of days. But the more you work on your mindset and becoming aware of negative thinking, the more able you will be to combat it in the future.
Journal Exercise:
As a helpful journaling exercise to work on your limiting beliefs, you can write down what your ideal self would look like. What would you think about yourself? What would you believe? How would you react in difficult situations?
Once you have a clear picture, think about how you can incorporate more of each of these things into your daily life.
If you’re ready to start working through your limiting beliefs using the power of your subconscious mind, I’m now offering made-for-you affirmations videos that you can use to help counteract your own limiting beliefs!
Let me know in the comments what additional questions you have about limiting beliefs and working through them. I’m happy to address this further in a future article!
For more, check out My Books & Coaching Program. ❤️
Whats the secret?