On Thursday, the US will celebrate Thanksgiving. This is a time for gathering with friends and family, and sharing food, gratitude and love. As you spend the time with your loved ones, hold them close to your heart. The time we have with the people we love is finite, and we seldom actually stop to think about this. So, cherish the time while you have it available.
Make time to be Mindfully Present with your loved ones during the holidays. Switch off your phone and really listen to everyone who is speaking to you. Look them in the eyes, hold their hands, let them feel the love that is for them in your heart. Living life with an open heart can be difficult, especially in our current times, but it can have such a deep impact on our relationships.
Being able to really deeply connect with others is a rare gift. The more you are able to do this, to take off the mask that society demands you wear and be your authentic self, the more your relationships will blossom. As we are brought into close proximity with our loved ones, I hope that you are able to come in with your authentic face towards everyone in your sphere. I hope you feel a sense of safety that allows you to do so.
Unfortunately, this may not be the case for everyone. Some of you will be unhappy at the holidays, and attend events out of a sense of obligation instead of a sense of joy. I feel for you. I lived a lot of years of my life that way. Then I escaped into work to avoid toxic relationships. If you are coping with toxic family this holiday, my heart is with you. I know how hard it is. Most people don’t. They probably look at you like you have three heads or something if you say you don’t look forward to the holidays.
For a while the people in my old workplace thought that I was Jewish when I told them I didn’t celebrate Christmas. But no. I just didn’t have people worth celebrating with.
If you don’t have “your tribe” within your own family, I pray that you will find them. That you will be able to create a new Family of Choice that you can celebrate future holidays with. It really does make a difference. We always had loads of friends around our holiday table in the states. People we had chosen to love, who had chosen to love us. Those are the people who make your life beautiful. Hold onto them.
I’m sorry if I may seem a bit maudlin talking about the holidays, my lovelies. One of our dear friends, pictured here at a Christmas dinner at our place, passed on last year and his loss is deeply felt by everyone in our circle. This is why I tell you to soak in every moment, to hold your loved ones dear, and cherish every moment as if it could be your last.
Every year, the faces looking at you across that holiday table may change. We grow older, our children become adults, some fade away and attend other gatherings with new in-laws. Friends and family change and move away. When things are beautiful, cherish them. Imprint those memories on your heart. Love people fiercely, and let them know the ferocity of your love.
A few days ago I was telling my youngest daughter that I felt sad, missing her sister. And she said something interesting:
You should always feel sad. We have a broken family.
I asked her to explain, and she said,
Someone in our family died. My grandpa died before I was born.
It made me realize, if we think about things this way, we have all lost someone. Everyone comes from a broken family. We have all lost loved ones over the years, even if it was an older generation that we lost in childhood. Even our little ones experience this loss too, and we need to learn to help them to transition through losses that they feel in ways we don’t always understand.
In some ways, we are grieving the generations that came before us. We grieve the legacy of people that exist in the memories of our parents and grandparents. We hear stories of people that shaped our families, and that we are never going to meet. Perhaps, there is a generational sense of loss that we don’t even understand, much less acknowledge to ourselves.
Even as we celebrate, a part of us grieves as well. Perhaps the grieving part is silent and far in the recesses of our memories, perhaps it is more fresh. As you look around your Thanksgiving table this year, allow all those faces to imprint clearly in your mind. Perhaps take some photos. But most of all, share your love. Share it to the fullest extent that you possibly can. Because when we lose everything else, that sense of love remains.
Be well my friends, and happy holidays!
Nicole Dake