Reconciling Spiritual Beliefs with a History of Abuse
Lately I have been getting into the Law of Attraction and trying to see how it fits with my past.
Everything in our world is made up of energy. You can learn this from Quantum Physics, or from Eastern spirituality and the concept of Prana. Our bodies are made up of energy too, and energy vibrates at different speeds.
If you look at particle research, there are tests where the particles move according to where the researcher is looking or what they expect. This shows to some extent that the Law of Attraction is working at an energetic level. Like attracts like.
It is easy to accept this at an abstract level, but what if you have lived a life of suffering? Is the Law of Attraction saying that your suffering was your fault? Is it saying that you chose what happened to you? When you have suffered, that is a hard pill to swallow.
So I am going to reframe it like this: Your thoughts create your reality, negative or positive. And your subconscious doesn’t recognize the difference between what you do want and what you don’t want. So if you spend all your time thinking about what you don’t want, with a lot of feeling, you are subconsciously attracting more of that.
When I was in bad situations, all I thought about was what I didn’t want. I didn’t even KNOW what I did want, much less think about it.
So, it is important to learn how to control your thoughts, so that you aren’t creating a really negative reality for yourself. Focus all the time on what you DO want, not what you DON’T want.
You can read more about what I have been mentally juggling in these articles:
Law of Attraction and Being a Cycle Breaker
Having Compassion for those who have Harmed Us
I have been trying to reconcile spiritual principles like compassion and forgiveness with what happened to me in the past. Do others of you struggle with this? Do you wonder how a just God or Universe could allow so many bad things to happen to people?
Did God/ Universe want me to suffer for years and to be abused? I don’t want to believe that. I don’t want to think that there is no justice in the universe. Is it karma that punishes them for their actions? Or do we need to wait for another lifetime to find balance and live a better life?
All of these are questions I have been struggling with as I try to have compassion for the people who abused me.
Then I realize, I chose those relationships. I left those relationships. I could have left sooner. It was difficult, but I did have choice and agency. I chose to stay even though it was bad. It was out of a feeling of worthlessness and self-blame. I felt guilty for wanting to leave.
So as spiritual people, we need to work harder to teach people their own self-worth and self-preservation comes before relationships, even if those relationships are family. We need to have compassion for ourselves first. Only then can we have compassion for others. We have to care for ourselves first.
And, you can have compassion for someone without wanting them in your life. You don’t have to accept or tolerate abuse in any form because you are told to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we allow someone else to hurt us again.
You can be spiritual and still set boundaries with other people. Spirituality doesn’t tell us that it is noble to suffer, but that we deserve an end to our suffering in this lifetime. So follow your heart, do what is right for you, and realize that you can attract a better life at any time with better thoughts.