After spending a lot of time in talk therapy learning mental gymnastics and coming to a dead end, I have recently started Somatic Experiencing, a form of trauma therapy that gets you in touch with where trauma is stored in the body so that it can be released. I’m very hopeful that this type of therapy will help to get me out of survival mode, where I’ve been my entire life (I’m no spring chicken). Those old survival coping mechanisms based on trauma and anxiety are no longer helpful; they’re harmful.
If this is something you might be interested in, DM me, and I will give you more information on how to find an excellent somatic experiencing therapist.
PTSD survivor as well as physically brain damaged from auto accidents. I function and look normal but I know I
walk a lonesome path….forever trying to fit in and be normal. Dealing with the loss of the one and only person in the world that got me and would listen to me all day and night talk out things and not judge or give me platitudes. I’ve cut myself off from my abuser but the damages are done. Working hard to learn who I am now. Being gentle with myself, long periods of time spent outdoors, diving into my art are tremendously helpful. Healing hugs to all!
I have recently started sound therapy/voice liberation. The first practice was humming from the bottom (chakra) to the top (vocal chords)....OHM, HUM, MEUJ, AAHM, EHM.....it works very well on calming the nervous system and moving stagnant energy out. Highly recommend for those with much internal rage, pain, and anger (I have severe endometriosis). Journey forward 🌀🌿!!
Thank you for sharing this. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, you will never be the same, but you have the drive and the tenacity to create a better life for yourself. It might feel like you're in hell right now, but it won't be like this forever, keep walking through it until you find the way out. You are on the right path, keep going ❤️
Thank you for writing this. Your honesty is visceral and powerful. I can feel the weight of everything you’ve survived, and the clarity with which you name it is something I deeply respect. I feel your rage, your anger, your frustration... I’ve seen it in myself. It lives in me. It was there just yesterday when I had a complete meltdown.
But then I had a moment of unexpected connection that healed something inside me that Western medicine may never explain, because Western medicine isn’t built to understand it. Part of that’s corporate (Big Pharma isn’t in the business of healing unless it profits them). But it’s also cultural... Western frameworks literally don’t know how to address what’s happened to us. Not because it’s impossible, but because we haven’t learned how. Yet.
I don’t want to take away from anything you’ve said, because it’s real, completely valid, and it deserves to be said. Two opposite things can be valid at the same time though, so I also want to gently offer something that’s been true in my own healing experience, even if it might not make sense to yours right now.
When we say “I’m never going to get better” (something I, too, have said in defiance), I think sometimes it’s less about hard fact and more about grief and rage speaking. And grief, while wise, can also be short-sighted. Not because we’re weak, but because we’ve been hurt so deeply and for so long that hope starts to feel like betrayal. Like we’re setting ourselves up to be crushed again.
And sometimes, that hopelessness becomes a shield. A way to protect ourselves from the pressure to heal on someone else’s terms. That’s real. That’s necessary. We do need to heal on our own terms. And I think that's the core of what you're saying here when you talk about being unable to heal. I just want to add a little asterisk to it.
But healing isn’t always big or visible. It’s not always peace or forgiveness. Sometimes it’s just staying curious. Trying something new. Being open to a strange or strange or unlikely idea. Resting when we didn’t use to. Feeling safe for a moment. That’s not nothing. That’s how the nervous system starts to believe safety is possible again.
I don’t think it’s impossible for our brains to heal. I think we just don’t know how yet. Especially in the West, where we’re taught to separate our bodies, minds, and souls. But through reconnecting them, I’ve seen healing that defies logic and science. And I'm absolutely not the only one.
You’re absolutely right: PTSD is not a flaw or a choice. Other people did this to you. No one gets to have expectations for your healing except you. It’s messy and nonlinear, exhausting to the point of madness, and regularly unfair. You are the only one who knows what might heal you, how, and when.
My only hope is that you don’t let “I’m never going to get better” be a hard truth to your life if it doesn’t need to be.
There’s nothing in science that’s proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our brains can’t recover. I hope everyone suffering and grieving and depressed and hurting and giving up will take a stand like you have and reject other people's standards for healing. But when it comes to you, alone with yourself, sitting with what’s been done to you?
I hope you’ll believe it’s possible.
It has been, for me at least. I’m not all better, nor do I expect to reach some eventual state of "being okay." It's more about understanding, accepting, and moving on, then "being okay."
I’m worlds away from where I once was, brain damage and all. I hope you will be too someday. Much love to you on your journey ❤️
I know what you mean, there is neural plasticity. This article is more the scientific response to the whole "well you look fine" argument that so many people give anyone with a mental illness.
Thank you for sharing this, your eloquence is breath taking. I appreciate the honesty and the way you write your emotions. My mom suffered from PTSD and whilst I understood the 'why', I don't think I ever really understood how to help. This has given me a good insight, thank you again.
Thank you for writing this and I'm glad to hear you didn't let your PTSD make you stop trying. You've done thoughtful research, you write very well, and you've made this effort to share your knowledge with others. I hope the new therapy will work and you will continue to share your experience!
Nicole, I'm so sorry it's been and continues to be so difficult for you. Thanks for sharing honestly. I relate to so much of what you've shared. It seems like PTSD gets worse with every passing year, even though I'm in therapy and also meditate. After a recent issue with panic attacks for the first time, I've realized I need to go back to nervous system basics. I had started but never finished Irene Lyon's Smart Body | Smart Mind course, but I want to do it again now. I trust her, and it's not about quick fixes but many tiny steps. But we're all different and have different needs for PTSD healing.
I know what you mean, it does feel like every successive trauma is harder to bounce back from. Then, seeking safety and calming your nervous system all over again.
It gets better. I also have PTSD- I’ve written about my healing process through triggers (it’s on my substack if that can bring comfort). I can attest that music and sound do heal. I sing. I’ve wrapped my body around a cello- and that vibration through the body and soul is healing. You have my empathy. Thank you for writing this and educating people that this is on fact something that’s happened to us- not something we were born with.
Nicole, I get this so much. In some ways, I feel the worst I ever have. To make matter worse, a friend told me last week that I was choosing my anxiety. Yeah, okay. Whatever. Hope you never experience what I do. FWIW, brainspotting is worth a shot. It helped me until the therapist betrayed me, and then all my progress went out the door. I found it more gentle than EMDR. I will never get disability in North Carolina. This lousy state is Republican run, and they don't give a damn about anyone's well-being.
I'm sorry you're going through that, Lisa. I have had too many people say that I choose to be like this, etc. It's just unfortunate how little actual awareness there is about trauma.
Very much so. I suffered a severe traumatic brain injury almost two decades ago, and the PTSD has done far more long-term damage than the injury itself.
I have CPTSD from a 15-year relationship with a narcissist, and the most helpful healing tool I've ever tried is ketamine. I have always been somewhat med-resistant. Nothing really helped my depression. But after I left my abuser I had a massive suicidal depressive episode. I'm confident ketamine saved my life. It has been the only thing that has alleviated depression, stopped suicidal ideation, and helped me start healing. It creates new neural pathways, so it literally repairs the brain from the damage done by trauma.
I have spent years working on my trauma and years before that walking around clueless of the effects of it. Self medicating to get by.
I really appreciate the way you shared and described your experience. It’s a weird thing to explain to others who haven’t had it.
I am at a place of peace currently with it. Working with coaches and therapists. My path is a mix of yoga, meditation, writing, music and running/moving in nature.
A lot of people don’t realize though. Yes I’m at peace, but it doesn’t make what happened go away. It for sure doesn’t turn off the intense empathy people with trauma often feel when they see others suffer. Or all the other emotions that can be amplified. And like you said a form of brain damage. My brain will always work differently than others.
After spending a lot of time in talk therapy learning mental gymnastics and coming to a dead end, I have recently started Somatic Experiencing, a form of trauma therapy that gets you in touch with where trauma is stored in the body so that it can be released. I’m very hopeful that this type of therapy will help to get me out of survival mode, where I’ve been my entire life (I’m no spring chicken). Those old survival coping mechanisms based on trauma and anxiety are no longer helpful; they’re harmful.
If this is something you might be interested in, DM me, and I will give you more information on how to find an excellent somatic experiencing therapist.
I have heard about that, it really does sound like it could be helpful. Thank you!
PTSD survivor as well as physically brain damaged from auto accidents. I function and look normal but I know I
walk a lonesome path….forever trying to fit in and be normal. Dealing with the loss of the one and only person in the world that got me and would listen to me all day and night talk out things and not judge or give me platitudes. I’ve cut myself off from my abuser but the damages are done. Working hard to learn who I am now. Being gentle with myself, long periods of time spent outdoors, diving into my art are tremendously helpful. Healing hugs to all!
I'm sorry you have been through this, it can be lonely at times for sure!
Thank you
Healing hugs to you. 🌹
Thank you
I’m so sorry. You are so brave to share your story.
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
I have recently started sound therapy/voice liberation. The first practice was humming from the bottom (chakra) to the top (vocal chords)....OHM, HUM, MEUJ, AAHM, EHM.....it works very well on calming the nervous system and moving stagnant energy out. Highly recommend for those with much internal rage, pain, and anger (I have severe endometriosis). Journey forward 🌀🌿!!
I do listen to a lot of this type of meditations, you're right, it can be quite calming.
Thank you for sharing this. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, you will never be the same, but you have the drive and the tenacity to create a better life for yourself. It might feel like you're in hell right now, but it won't be like this forever, keep walking through it until you find the way out. You are on the right path, keep going ❤️
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
Thank you for writing this. Your honesty is visceral and powerful. I can feel the weight of everything you’ve survived, and the clarity with which you name it is something I deeply respect. I feel your rage, your anger, your frustration... I’ve seen it in myself. It lives in me. It was there just yesterday when I had a complete meltdown.
But then I had a moment of unexpected connection that healed something inside me that Western medicine may never explain, because Western medicine isn’t built to understand it. Part of that’s corporate (Big Pharma isn’t in the business of healing unless it profits them). But it’s also cultural... Western frameworks literally don’t know how to address what’s happened to us. Not because it’s impossible, but because we haven’t learned how. Yet.
I don’t want to take away from anything you’ve said, because it’s real, completely valid, and it deserves to be said. Two opposite things can be valid at the same time though, so I also want to gently offer something that’s been true in my own healing experience, even if it might not make sense to yours right now.
When we say “I’m never going to get better” (something I, too, have said in defiance), I think sometimes it’s less about hard fact and more about grief and rage speaking. And grief, while wise, can also be short-sighted. Not because we’re weak, but because we’ve been hurt so deeply and for so long that hope starts to feel like betrayal. Like we’re setting ourselves up to be crushed again.
And sometimes, that hopelessness becomes a shield. A way to protect ourselves from the pressure to heal on someone else’s terms. That’s real. That’s necessary. We do need to heal on our own terms. And I think that's the core of what you're saying here when you talk about being unable to heal. I just want to add a little asterisk to it.
But healing isn’t always big or visible. It’s not always peace or forgiveness. Sometimes it’s just staying curious. Trying something new. Being open to a strange or strange or unlikely idea. Resting when we didn’t use to. Feeling safe for a moment. That’s not nothing. That’s how the nervous system starts to believe safety is possible again.
I don’t think it’s impossible for our brains to heal. I think we just don’t know how yet. Especially in the West, where we’re taught to separate our bodies, minds, and souls. But through reconnecting them, I’ve seen healing that defies logic and science. And I'm absolutely not the only one.
You’re absolutely right: PTSD is not a flaw or a choice. Other people did this to you. No one gets to have expectations for your healing except you. It’s messy and nonlinear, exhausting to the point of madness, and regularly unfair. You are the only one who knows what might heal you, how, and when.
My only hope is that you don’t let “I’m never going to get better” be a hard truth to your life if it doesn’t need to be.
There’s nothing in science that’s proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our brains can’t recover. I hope everyone suffering and grieving and depressed and hurting and giving up will take a stand like you have and reject other people's standards for healing. But when it comes to you, alone with yourself, sitting with what’s been done to you?
I hope you’ll believe it’s possible.
It has been, for me at least. I’m not all better, nor do I expect to reach some eventual state of "being okay." It's more about understanding, accepting, and moving on, then "being okay."
I’m worlds away from where I once was, brain damage and all. I hope you will be too someday. Much love to you on your journey ❤️
I know what you mean, there is neural plasticity. This article is more the scientific response to the whole "well you look fine" argument that so many people give anyone with a mental illness.
Fair enough and in that sense, totally valid and absolutely 100% needs saying, so thanks for that =)
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this, your eloquence is breath taking. I appreciate the honesty and the way you write your emotions. My mom suffered from PTSD and whilst I understood the 'why', I don't think I ever really understood how to help. This has given me a good insight, thank you again.
Thank you, I'm glad it's helpful.
Thank you for writing this and I'm glad to hear you didn't let your PTSD make you stop trying. You've done thoughtful research, you write very well, and you've made this effort to share your knowledge with others. I hope the new therapy will work and you will continue to share your experience!
Thank you!
Nicole, I'm so sorry it's been and continues to be so difficult for you. Thanks for sharing honestly. I relate to so much of what you've shared. It seems like PTSD gets worse with every passing year, even though I'm in therapy and also meditate. After a recent issue with panic attacks for the first time, I've realized I need to go back to nervous system basics. I had started but never finished Irene Lyon's Smart Body | Smart Mind course, but I want to do it again now. I trust her, and it's not about quick fixes but many tiny steps. But we're all different and have different needs for PTSD healing.
I know what you mean, it does feel like every successive trauma is harder to bounce back from. Then, seeking safety and calming your nervous system all over again.
It gets better. I also have PTSD- I’ve written about my healing process through triggers (it’s on my substack if that can bring comfort). I can attest that music and sound do heal. I sing. I’ve wrapped my body around a cello- and that vibration through the body and soul is healing. You have my empathy. Thank you for writing this and educating people that this is on fact something that’s happened to us- not something we were born with.
Thank you, I'm glad that music is helpful, it is for me as well.
Nicole, I get this so much. In some ways, I feel the worst I ever have. To make matter worse, a friend told me last week that I was choosing my anxiety. Yeah, okay. Whatever. Hope you never experience what I do. FWIW, brainspotting is worth a shot. It helped me until the therapist betrayed me, and then all my progress went out the door. I found it more gentle than EMDR. I will never get disability in North Carolina. This lousy state is Republican run, and they don't give a damn about anyone's well-being.
I'm sorry you're going through that, Lisa. I have had too many people say that I choose to be like this, etc. It's just unfortunate how little actual awareness there is about trauma.
Very much so. I suffered a severe traumatic brain injury almost two decades ago, and the PTSD has done far more long-term damage than the injury itself.
I'm really sorry you've been through this.
Thank you. That means a lot.💚
Which means anyone who was ever in combat, or trained to kill. It’s a helluva a lot of our country…
I have CPTSD from a 15-year relationship with a narcissist, and the most helpful healing tool I've ever tried is ketamine. I have always been somewhat med-resistant. Nothing really helped my depression. But after I left my abuser I had a massive suicidal depressive episode. I'm confident ketamine saved my life. It has been the only thing that has alleviated depression, stopped suicidal ideation, and helped me start healing. It creates new neural pathways, so it literally repairs the brain from the damage done by trauma.
Oh wow that's cool, I didn't know that. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this piece.
I have spent years working on my trauma and years before that walking around clueless of the effects of it. Self medicating to get by.
I really appreciate the way you shared and described your experience. It’s a weird thing to explain to others who haven’t had it.
I am at a place of peace currently with it. Working with coaches and therapists. My path is a mix of yoga, meditation, writing, music and running/moving in nature.
A lot of people don’t realize though. Yes I’m at peace, but it doesn’t make what happened go away. It for sure doesn’t turn off the intense empathy people with trauma often feel when they see others suffer. Or all the other emotions that can be amplified. And like you said a form of brain damage. My brain will always work differently than others.
I know what you mean, it is difficult to explain to people who haven't been through it before. Thank you.
You’re welcome
it rewires the brain’s circuitry, like a storm carving new paths through a forest.